Rush of Emotions
May 24, 2017 4369 Views

Rush of Emotions

It felt as if it was nothing. Maybe a technical issue. Or maybe someone just randomly posted something. But then I kept seeing more and more posts across social media. Nothing was clear yet. It only said: ‘A loud bang was heard’. I kept thinking in the back of my mind, please God no. Please let this not be an attack. If it is, please let it not be a ‘Muslim name’. Coz that’s all they are, ‘a Muslim name’. Nothing more. They are not Muslim. They are not religious. They do not represent the other Muslims and/or foreigners.

I feared of what would follow. Not long after there was another attack. At a mosque. The next morning I went to work. On my way, at a bus stop, a lady was waiting for the bus to arrive. She had a toddler in a stroller. She was wearing a niqaab (a veil that covers the face). She was boarding the bus, but had difficulties with the stroller. In my mind I feared for her. I thought perhaps the bus driver might drive away, or be mean to her, or maybe the passengers will or just look at her as if she is responsible for what happened last night. Instead, the bus driver adjusted the bus, so she could easily roll the stroller on. She purchased a ticket and as any normal person, sat down, while the bus drove its normal route. Passengers didn’t even care, coz they weren’t bothered. It was a normal day for them, on their way to work. And the lady with the niqaab/veil, was just another passenger. Then I arrived at work. The first thing to be mentioned was what happened last night. I felt horrified, sad, disheartened, angry on what had happened last night and yet I felt guilt, shame and fear as well. I felt as if an apology would be expected from me in general by anyone. But why? I didn’t do anything wrong. Yet this is how I feel, the rush of emotions, every time there is an attack. Every time praying and hoping it’s not another Muslim name again. And as bad as it sounds, hoping it’s a non Muslim name. But then when that happens, it’s no longer a terror attack. It’s a mental health issue, it’s a sick person. In all fairness, it is, but so are the attackers that have a ‘Muslim name’. They are not Muslim, they do not represent Muslims at all anywhere. They are sick people with severe mental health issues. I will not apologise. Please do not expect any Muslim to apologise. Instead, take an example of last night, how everyone rushed in to support in any way they could. Every religion, every race. All were one. All helped. All were human. That is how it should be and how this should be dealt with. Help each other, support each other. Instead of giving the attackers what they want: ‘Divide and rule’.

The attack last night was heart wrenching. It reminded me of the Peshawar School Massacre of 2014.  132 students (mainly small children and teens) that were killed in a terrorist attack in Pakistan at a school.

It’s bad when adult lives are in danger, but children, that’s just too heavy on the heart. Especially for parents.

The smallest coffins are indeed the heaviest…..



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